Monday, August 1, 2011

A Tale of Two Pizzas

So. I may or may not have gone on a carbohydrate bender (ice cream! cereal! BEER!) following my stomach flu.

Oh, and also Mexican food. Just rice/beans/tortillas--didn't want to ruin my meal with the dread protein or nasty vegetables.

And while, yes, my bender (whee!) was delicious, I also noticed something important. Following my pizza dinner on Friday (Pagliacci's Crostata: caramelized onions & gorgonzola. OMG!) I felt bad. Like, really pretty bad. Overfull. Fat. Remorseful.

Okay, but before I continue, you really have to SEE this pizza to appreciate what I'm talking about here. Did I mention the gorgonzola? And the caramelized onions? And the WHITE SAUCE?

**Picks self up off floor and continues with story**

I did some basic diet math and determined I enjoyed the pizza for 13 minutes. And then spent about two hours feeling stuffed and guilty.

It seems, then, like a much better equation to spend 13 minutes sort of wishing I was eating something bread-based and two hours feeling skinny and morally superior. Which was the case today when I had a salad for lunch.

But, if you're like me, you've probably thought something like, "No pizza EVER? Fuck that, man!" when considering a low-carb diet.

I have two answers to that. First, occasional treats are important. I would rather gauge out my own eyeball than live the remainder of my life sans coconut cake. I just can't eat the cake often.

And second, low-carb, superfast pizza! I won't fill your heads with lies and tell you it's JUST LIKE REAL PIZZA (don't you hate those people? if diet food tastes the same to them as real food why are they so fat?) but it's a reasonable approximation and a great quick lunch.

What you need:

One small low-carb whole wheat tortilla
Tomato sauce
Pizza fixins'

What you do:

Put a couple tablespoons of tomato sauce on your tortilla, go nuts with the toppings and put in a 350 degree oven until the cheese is all ooey gooey. Place under the broiler for a minute or two to crisp.

Eat and feel smug.

I ate this with leftover Greek pepper salad (peppers, feta, olives, onion, vinaigrette) and it was yum.

Go get you some.